watever

i don’t know how to start. i just want to pour things out.

am having my "pain attacks" again. this had made me uncomfortable these past few days. my scoliosis is not getting better.  i have no idea why.

the pain reaches my right leg. i haven’t consulted a doctor. i need to the soonest.

am still having my 8hr government job. i have embraced the reality that this is where i get my money to support myself and my son in a way. i have learned to love the am not used to "system". working in the private sector is really different. you are more  exposed to "more professional" people. but am still grateful to God for He knows what is best for me.

may be He allowed me to have this present work for me to be humble, to be more patient and to forgive each time somebody causes me pain.

i am writing because i just learned that there are really "very selfish" persons around. my pain attack is there, i am not comfortable, i asked a favor, i want to borrow a chair, a plastic chair that i believe could help ease the pain. ease the pain in a way that it has a good support for my back. it would simply be a replacement/in exchange for the office chair that i am currently using.

i am sad. my colleague dint allow me to use the chair that she only uses as a "chair for her bags". i don’t think it matters because in the first place, i am only going to exchange the chair that i am using with the chair that she is using for her bags. i don’t get her point. she even said that why only now i am experiencing pain that it had been for long that i am using my current chair? if only i know why.

if only i am still in the private sector and still can decide on things, i have long terminated her.

but i believe God wouldn’t be please with my action. reason really why i am here. i pray to God that He will always protect and guard my heart and i thank Him for the mercy each time i go wrong.